Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
