The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I need a beard to bite.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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