shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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