he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
