That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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