I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
