I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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