Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
