a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Boobs speak an international language.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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