Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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