she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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