the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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