if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
