Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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