Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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