I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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