You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
