there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
