I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Randomize
