and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
