I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
