maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
be right there i have to get my cape
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
