you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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