whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
