I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
