I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
