Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
