Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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