it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
