piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
