This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
