there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I touched a dick in church today
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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