I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
