oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
