Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Come on in and take your pants off
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