This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
