You're so nebulous sometimes
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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