if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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