My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
