He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
