I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
