Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
