that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
