I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
