I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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