WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
