i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
