Pants 0. Shit 1.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
