Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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