worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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