Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
