i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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