So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
