Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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