If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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